As a mom, I try so hard to make sure everything is perfect for my child. I read loads of books on child development, I breast feed, I buy organic food, I make most of Caleb's food, I read to him throughout the day, I keep the T.V. off unless he's sick, I make my own non-toxic cleaning solutions, etc...all in an effort to do what seems best. But, is it possible to truly feel like a good mom. I mean really 100% feel like a good mom. I'm learning no matter how hard I try there will always be something that shows me how I fall short. Yesterday was probably my low as a mom thus far.
Caleb had his nine month check-up yesterday. He has had a "cold" for the past nine days with congestion, no fever, no change in behavior, and clear mucus. Earlier in September, he presented with the same symptoms, I took him to the doctor only to be told he was fine. I was advised unless he is running a fever and wheezing on the exhale there is no real concern. Apparently, this time there was reason for concern. What I thought was raspy breathing due to congestion, like last time, is more than likely wheezing caused by asthma. My doctor kindly told me that if he has breathing like this at any time to bring him in. She treated him with a nebulizer treatment which involved me holding a screaming baby for ten minutes as he thrashed around trying to get the mask off of his face (I think he has some negative memories of the anesthesia gas mask from surgery). I cried as much as he did during the process. He has an inhaler and I am to administer a more intensive treatment for him than I have ever taken for my asthma. After taking the nebulizer at the doctor's office, Caleb was still showing signs of breathing difficulty and the doctor wants to follow up with him next week to make sure his bronchial passages aren't swollen. On top of the breathing problems, Caleb also has an ear infection and a yeast infection (which I thought was diaper rash). I broke down into tears when the doctor saw the ear infection. She reassurred me that by no means did she mean to imply that I'm a bad mom, that I did nothing wrong, and that Caleb is fine, but all I could think is how could I let Caleb be sick for nine days and do nothing about it. In my head I know I'm not a bad mom but in my heart I feel like a failure.
For the family...Caleb's stats were 30 3/4 inches long and 24 pounds 12 ounces.
2 comments:
You poor thing...it's always awful to take a little one to the doctor's office, only to found it he/she is worse off than you thought. Rest assured, it really is HARD to know when to call the doctor and when to just sit it out at home. Nebulizers stink...Di was on one around the clock for a few weeks last winter. Ug. Lauren...you are a very very very good...no, GREAT, mother. Yes, there will be days you won't feel like a super star, but just take a moment and look into Caleb's eyes...even on your worst day, you are his beam of light, his hero...his amazing mama.
did the sick boy dress up yesterday?
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